


Be Careful What You Wish For

by Josiah Rose (Xanateria)



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Genre: Fluff, Humour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-17 19:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xanateria/pseuds/Josiah%20Rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are so many excellent fics out there about the wonders of bonding. And I love them all. But, really, there is such a thing as too much honesty. A story that proves sometimes your heart's desire isn't quite what you thought it would be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be Careful What You Wish For

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: ** denotes mindspeech. Originally posted to the M_A list in 2003, but I am moving all my fic here, so I thought this would be a good time to expand and revise this piece. 
> 
> I live for feedback - one line or many. I will take it any way I can get it. *grin*

Everyone keeps telling me I'm the luckiest person they know. And I can't say that I disagree with them. I am lucky. In just over four days, I, Obi-Wan Kenobi, will declare the oaths of a formal bond with the most amazing man I have ever known. 

There are those who consider me too young to fully understand the effort and sacrifices committing myself so utterly to one person requires. Indeed, those who object say that my age, lack of experience and the unshakeable trust that is the foundation of my long-term relationship with Qui-Gon are all keeping me from making a clear-headed, impartial decision.

I tried to reassure them all, but I couldn't. I was certain that Qui-Gon would be able dispel their concerns, but as we stood before Master Yoda, I wasn't so sure. In fact, no one in the council chamber looked impressed by my impassioned speech about how much the two of us truly loved one another, and why this was the right time for us to bond. Before I could really begin to worry, Master Yoda spoke, and I wrenched my attention back to the matter at hand. 

"Given our approval for this relationship, the council has. But many problems could come of making the relationship a life bonded one. Listened to all sides of the argument, we have. The decision of the council is that you will be sent into seclusion together to initiate the bond. Three days and nights you will have to experience the bond and all that it entails. Evaluated at the end of those three days you will be. Then, and only then, will the council make its final decision whether to allow the bond to be completed." He rapped the floor with his gimer stick on the floor to emphasize his point.

Even as I opened my mouth to object, Qui-Gon was nodded his approval, so I stifled my protest and followed obediently as he said his goodbyes and left the chamber. It only took a few minutes to get back to our quarters, where we waited for the two masters who would be arriving to initiate the bond. "I don't understand why they can't see how right this is," I offered after several long moments of silence.

"Their opinion doesn't really matter my Obi-Wan. We merely need to let them see the depth of our love for one another and this situation will solve itself," my beloved answered, and his warm certain tone soothed some of my disquiet.

I took a deep breath, then released the remnants of my temper into the Force. He was right. Anger at their lack of understanding would accomplish nothing. Indeed, if I was still upset when the masters arrived, my lack of control would only be seen as one more mark against us. Idly I let my gaze roam around the main living area, taking in the paintings Qui-Gon had purchased on one of our last missions, and the new furniture set I had chosen only a week before. Taking comfort in being at home, I chose a more neutral subject. "What exactly did Master Yoda mean, the bond and all it entails?" I asked Qui curiously.

"Well," he began, "as I am sure you know, life bonds can be difficult at first, and can cause some problems as the couple adjusts and learns to balance individual needs within their new intimacy. Each bond is unique, but connection is deeper than any other. We'll have to relearn how and where to put our mental boundaries." 

I think Yoda wanted to remind us that we would have to deal with not only the positive effects, but also the less than pleasant but temporary side effects. For some, there would also be concerns about mental compatibility during the adjustment period. But we have an advantage there, as we have no momentous secrets from each other, and have been in contact mind to mind numerous times in the past," he finished, anticipation clear in his eyes.

I nodded in agreement, but couldn't stop the slight case of nerves that crept up on me. "And if there are problems you haven't foreseen?" I asked, and tried to ignore the the slight tremble in my voice.

Qui-Gon shook his head and smiled at me and I felt some of my tension dissolve. 

"Don't worry, love. The bond will only enhance what we already have. There is absolutely nothing to worry about," he told me confidently.

After a moment, he stood up and resettled himself beside me. We sat for a time, enjoyed simply being together while we waited. When the masters arrived, I observed while Qui let them in, then played gracious host for a few minutes, before we reconvened out on the balcony. I always felt most secure when I meditated outside, if the weather cooperated. Once we were all in position I waited, and excitement bubbled up to replace my earlier nerves. I'd waited so long for this day, we both had. Now it was finally here. Even if there were problems, we would face them together.

I knew the two masters who served as our officiants slightly, and Qui-Gon only a bit more so, but the lack of familiarity was preferred. The pair of them were only here to guide us through the bonding process and be sure that proper procedures were followed. If needed, they would assist us to be sure our newly combined energies balanced properly, but it was important they be impartial towards us, so that their thoughts and feelings on the matter didn't lead to interference, however unintentional.

In due course, we performed the correct meditations and rituals and had only to completely lower our shields to allow the bond to form. Because a person's shields formed over their whole life, mine were weaker and easier to drop, so I went first. Even though it was difficult, I dropped all of my barriers without hesitation, and held my breath while I waited for Qui-Gon to do the same. I felt more vulnerable than I expected, but projected my love and happiness in spite of that. 

Time slowed as I waited. And waited. Finally, after several long seconds, I felt it. The resistance, the barriers that had been Qui's shields, were gone. I was swamped with a wave of emotions that I knew were not my own - love, respect and so much more all rolled into one. Next to this, the training bond seemed little more than wisps and shadows. Overwhelmed but still happy about it, I let myself drift. Nothing could harm me here, Qui wouldn't allow it.

After a while though one of the masters spoke and gently recaptured our attention. "We verify that the life bond you both sought has been initiated. Remember that we will be back several times to evaluate your progress. Also, please keep in mind that a complete mental connection takes much more than three days to develop, and can be difficult to regulate in the beginning. Problems are to be expected. 

Don't be stubborn," she added, looking pointedly at Qui-Gon. "Ask for help if you need it, and don't forget to take care of yourselves physically during this time of discovery. Congratulations to you both," she finished. With those final words, the pair left, and we were alone at last.

Barely seconds passed before were in each other's arms. Our new balance could wait, especially weighed against the ability to truly experience lovemaking so complete attuned to each other. In no time at all we stumbled into the bedroom. We hadn't quite made it to the bed when it occurred to me that I was somewhat overdressed. I paused briefly to remove my shirt, then quickly went back to the pleasant business at hand. 

But just as I was about to lower my head for another kiss, a thought floated into my head. **I never really did enjoy that shirt. I always thought it made you look washed out.** I felt my mouth drop open, as I pulled back from him reflexively. "If you didn't like it, why not just say so?" I asked, feeling a prickle of hurt creep into the general wonder and contentment of the evening.

"Obi-Wan don't you think we have more important things to do than discuss fashion?" Qui retorted more than a bit testily. "I simply didn't mention it because I knew you liked the shirt and I was attempting to be considerate of your feelings. I didn't want to spoil your enjoyment of it."

After a moment I accepted that and we continued to explore each other while darkness began to fall outside. We weren't in any hurry for completion, just enjoyed the new closeness between us, and reminisced about the past. 

When Qui-Gon brought up the mission to Ryloth, I couldn't help but cringe. That culture had been very much rooted in the fine arts, particularly formal dance. Some of the events that Qui remembered so fondly had been rather trying for me. I was reaching to slide my hand up his inner thigh when I sensed him tense. I could feel his frown more than I could see it in the near darkness of the bedroom. 

"You don't really enjoying dancing with me?" he asked, in the bland tone that he used to mask upset.

With a sigh, I turned to face him, and wondered how much more truth we would both be able to stand this evening. But he had answered my question, so it was only fair I answered his. " If the audiences make you nervous, you step on my feet," I told him, but kept my tone as even as possible. "I love dancing with you, but I would prefer it not be in public, or, at least my feet would.

There was a strained pause, while Qui-Gon sat down on his side of the bed. "I know these are small things, but I find myself disconcerted that we seem to have kept more from each other than I thought," he observed after a moment.

"I would never keep anything important from you, my love," I reassured him. "You know that. And the little details that we may have neglected hardly matter now. It doesn't mean anything, no matter what it concerns. Hellfires Qui, you could tell me that you'd screwed the crown Prince of Ryloth himself and it still wouldn't matter," I continued, more than a little frustrated at the awkward turn the evening had taken.

But then, right behind my eyes, a picture formed of the two of them together, Qui, uniform robes discarded on the floor, and tangled in the sheets of an opulent bed, with the well endowed crown Prince.

Despite my attempt at control, my mouth dropped open and I had to remind myself to breathe. "That was only an example," I spluttered. 

"Wait. If you were with the Prince, that means that the scandal that circulated before we left the planet was at least partially true." I stopped for another moment while shock battled with temper. 

It had nothing to do with me, but I didn't like the idea of it, and certainly didn't want that picture in my head. "I thought you were the model master all the time back then." I finally managed to say, then stopped. 

"I never claimed to be," came the calm answer, though Qui-Gonn's left eye twitched, a sure sign he was uncomfortable. "Our relationship was different then. I was still very much your primary teacher. It served no purpose to set you such an example," Qui-Gon finished.

I shook my head, then answered a bit sharply. "Alright, maybe our relationship was different back then, but why wasn't he on your list of partners when we were talking our past liaisons?" 

"It slipped my mind," Qui informed me, tone no longer quite so placid.

Suddenly apprehensive, I frowned at him. I tried to stop it, but a very small part of me wondered what else might have slipped his mind. 

Before I could say anything, a peal of bells interrupted the moment. Grateful for the chance to collect my thoughts, I wondered if we had lost track of more time than I thought. The hour was wrong for the bells to ring.

"Obi-Wan, get up. We both need to get to the teaching wing before first bell." Qui's voice, warm and amused, was quiet somewhere near my right ear. "If you don't get moving soon, we'll both be late," he continued. 

I opened my eyes and blinked in confusion, no longer sure of where I was, or what time it was. 

Then, I caught a glimpse of Qui-Gon headed into the refresher, while he muttered as usual about the classes on his docket for the day. Relief made me light headed as it dawned on me I was safe at home in bed. The awkward and uncomfortable realizations faded slightly, and made room for a bit of regret. I'd enjoyed the increased connection of the life bond, even if it had only been a dream. 

Qui's side of the bed was still warm, his sheet and pillow still permeated with his scent and aura of his Force signature comforted me as I scooted over to bask in that familiar signature for a few moments. I was so drained I wanted nothing more than to simply curl up, and sink back into sleep.

Instead, my sense of duty niggled at me until I tossed off the blankets. Slowly, I got up and got ready to face the day. While I took my turn in the 'fresher and got a fresh uniform out of the closet, I attempted to analyze my state of mind. It appeared that Qui's query about the possibility of a bond at some point over late meal the previous night had bothered me more than I thought.

For the moment, Qui-Gon and I were both assigned to a teaching rotation, which was fortunate because it meant we would both be done fairly early. Once we were done with our respective classes, it looked like some fairly serious, extended discussion was in order. Oh, I still wanted the life bond, if it was even half of what I imagine, it would be more than worth any small problems or petty embarrassments. I would just have to make sure we talked things through enough times to be sure neither of us forgot to mention anything important. Besides, once the bond was in place, I could think of better things for the two of us to do than talk.

~~FIN~~ 


End file.
